Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
