Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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