"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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