he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Come see our sink grown plant.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
