I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
