there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
