Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
