miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
