YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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