the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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