so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize