Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize