I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
