Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
