A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
