i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
