i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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