I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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