____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
