That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
