at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
and you fell through a lawn chair
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
