All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize