Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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