Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
