I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you had me at cake vodka
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
