It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
