He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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