You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize