Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am available for nakedness
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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