I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think your dad took our porno
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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