I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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