what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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