Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
