my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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