Umm I'm too high to move.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am naked and annoyed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
