What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
