so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He kissed a someone with a penis
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
