like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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