Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
