I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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