Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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