The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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