dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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