i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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