Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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