I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
