it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
