So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize