I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
