We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
