WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
