I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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