omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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