I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
