You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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