Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
