I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
