In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Randomize
