you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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