soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
