So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
sex in a hospital.. check
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
