Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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