Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
