69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize